Live Without Regrets: 5 Ways to Change Course Today

The Napkin That Tells the Truth

A cup of coffee.
A quiet table.
One sentence on a napkin: The only thing scarier than change is regret.

It hits because it’s real. Regret whispers, “You had a chance.”
It lingers. It steals sleep. It makes today feel smaller than it is.

If you’re here, maybe you feel it.
You’ve been strong for everyone. You’ve made the safe choices.
And yet a part of you wonders, Is this it?
You want a life you’re proud of, not a highlight reel of "almosts."

This isn’t about reckless leaps.
It’s about choosing on purpose.
It’s about living so "future you" doesn’t have to carry the heavy burden of I should have.

Today, let’s talk about how to live a no-regrets life.
What that really means.
What most people try that doesn’t work.
And five simple ways to change your path when you’re not satisfied with where it’s going.

What a “No-Regrets Life” Really Means

A no-regrets life isn’t perfect.
It’s honest.

You tell the truth to yourself.
You act on what matters.
You accept what’s behind you and make new choices in front of you.

In my book, Flourishing After Adversity, I share a simple idea: focus on living life to the fullest now, not someday, so you don’t reach your later years wishing you had tried. A bucket list can help you keep your eyes on what matters and move those hopes into action.

And I lay out practical ways to live with fewer regrets, like taking ownership of your decisions, closing the door on old “coulda, shoulda, woulda” stories, and taking small risks that stretch you. These are everyday choices anyone can make.

Common Regrets People Share

Before we dive into action, it helps to recognize the patterns.
Here are themes many people mention near the end of life:

• “I wish I had spoken my feelings.”

• “I wish I had stayed close to my friends.”

• “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

These regrets show up when we silence ourselves, drift from relationships, or stay stuck in old habits because change feels scary.

Let that list be a mirror, not a wound.
It’s here to help you choose differently today.

What Most People Try 

We mean well. We’re busy. We want certainty.
So we reach for strategies that feel safe.
They don’t help.

1) Waiting for the perfect plan.
Perfection sounds noble. It’s actually a stall tactic.
Clarity grows as you move, not before you begin.

2) Chasing other people’s approval.
If you live by someone else’s scorecard, you’ll lose yourself.
The approval fades. The regret stays.

3) Burying feelings.
Silence feels peaceful in the moment.
Later, it hardens into resentment and missed chances.

4) Working more to outrun the ache.
Hustle numbs. It doesn’t heal.

5) Trying to change everything at once.
Big overhauls burn out fast.
Small steps stick. Small wins stack.

If any of these are your go-to moves, you’re not broken.
You’re human.
But it’s time for a different way.

5 Ways to Improve Your Life If You’re Off Track

You don’t need a makeover.
You need a map and one next step.
Use these five moves. Keep them simple. Keep them daily.

1) Radical Acceptance: Start where you are

Change begins with telling the truth about reality.
Not the dramatic version. Not the wishful version.
The real one.

Radical acceptance means this: I may not like this reality, but I will stop resisting it so I can change what’s in my control.

It’s the heart of a growth mindset. In my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework, this is Step 1. It helps you accept what you can’t change so you can move forward with what you can.

Try this today

• Draw two columns on a piece of paper: In My Control / Not In My Control.
  In the first column, list your thoughts, your words, your actions.
  In the second, list others opinions, advice, and what they would do. Put a big "X" on this column.

• Circle one item from the In My Control column.
  Choose a tiny action. Do it within 24 hours.

• Say out loud: “I start from here.”
  You’re not waiting on permission. You’re moving forward one tiny step at a time.

Why it works

Acceptance frees energy.
When you stop debating reality, you regain the power to choose.
Choice is how you change your story.

Language shift

• From: “This isn’t fair.”

• To: “This is hard, and I will take the next step forward.”

If you feel stuck

Ask, “What’s one brave thing I can do in the next ten minutes?”
Send the email. Make the call. Open the document.
Begin.

2) Close the door on yesterday’s regrets and get clear on what matters

Old regret is like a browser tab that never stops loading.
You don’t need it to make better choices now.

In my book, I teach this simple move: close the door to prior regrets and try again—often in a new way. I can’t go back to my tennis years, for example, but I can grab a pickleball paddle and go play with a friend. I get to write a new story. And you do, too.

A two-part reset

Part 1: Release.
Write a list of your top five regrets.
For each, choose: Accept or Amend.

• Accept = I forgive myself and let this live in the past.

• Amend = I will take one "repair" step (apology, boundary, action) this week.

Part 2: Realign.
Check your well-being and values.
Look at areas like positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and achievement. (Psychologists call this PERMA.) Then note where you want to grow. Use a quick flourishing self-check to guide your focus.

Questions that help

• What do I want my days to feel like?

• What am I no longer willing to miss?

• Who do I want to be proud of me five years from now?

Make it practical

Pick one value to live out this week.
If the value is family, schedule a no-phone dinner or a Saturday hike.
If the value is health, book a checkup or walk after lunch.
If the value is learning, enroll in a class.

Small steps = less regret.

3) Use the iCOPE 5-Step Method to choose your next move

Feeling stuck is often a decision problem.
You don’t have to solve your whole life.
Just your next step.

Here’s the iCOPE 5-Step Method I teach:

1. Identify the single problem that would move you forward most.

2. Decide what’s in your Control to Change.

3. Map the Outcomes: best, worst, most likely.

4. Make a Plan for the most likely outcome.

5. Evaluate after you act, then adjust.

A quick example using iCOPE:

• Identify: “I’m unhappy at work.”

• Control: I can update my resume, set informational interviews, learn a skill.

• Outcomes: Best—new role I enjoy. Worst—no change after three months. Most likely—two interviews and clarity on my direction.

• Plan: Update resume by Friday. Reach out to three contacts next week. Take an online class this month.

• Evaluate: What happened? What did I learn? What’s the next small step?

Decision-making gets easier as you use it.
Confidence follows action.

4) Make small brave moves: thoughts, words, actions

You have control over three things.
Your thoughts.
Your words.
Your actions.

This trio is always within reach, and it’s part of how a growth mindset works.

What it looks like

• Thoughts: Replace “I can’t” with “I’m learning.”
  Counter a noisy thought with a truer one.

• Words: Speak the hard thing with care.
  “I need to make a change.”
  “I’m not available for that.”
  “I’m sorry you're not happy with my new career path.”

• Actions: Take one tiny risk each day.
  Ask for feedback. Try the class. Walk into the meetup.
  Baby steps are more than enough. In fact, they’re how real change sticks. In my book, I remind readers that small, steady steps are fine, and smart.

The Small Brave Plan

Pick a daily move in each category:

• One thought: Write a one-line truth each morning. Keep it positive

• One word: Send one honest message.

• One action: Do one new or slightly uncomfortable thing.

Track it for seven days.
You’ll feel the lift.

Why this matters

Regret grows in silence and delay.
Courage grows in tiny reps.
Each rep says, “I choose my life.”

5) Design your No-Regrets Roadmap: bucket list, relationships, and legacy

When life feels vague, regret wins.
When life is named, regret loses ground.

A bucket list isn’t only about luxury.
It’s about clarity and meaning.
It keeps your best hopes where you can see them—and act on them. Start one now so you can live a fuller life and reduce future regrets.

How to write a bucket list that actually changes your days

• Name it. Give your list a title that reminds you your job is to do the things, not just dream them.

• Keep it short to start. Fifteen items beat one hundred. You can add as you go.

• Break it into categories. Adventure, learning, family, service, home. It’s easier to choose next steps when items are grouped.

• Mix quick wins and long-term dreams. Dinner at that local spot is as valid as hiking a national park.

• Schedule one item this month. Put it on the calendar. Invite someone you love.

Strengthen your relationships on purpose

Many people regret losing touch with friends or not speaking their feelings. Don’t wait. Send the text. Make the call. Say the words.

Try this pattern:

• Each week: one gratitude note.

• Each month: one friend date.

• Each quarter: one memory maker with your favorite people.

Think about legacy now

Legacy isn’t a statue.
It’s what people carry because you lived.

Teach the younger ones how to bend and not break.
Model a growth mindset.
Share tools that helped you. That’s one way to leave a legacy of resilience.

A simple legacy plan

• Write a one-page story about a challenge you faced and what helped.

• Create a small tradition you can pass on.

• Choose one area to serve in your community this year.

Living with purpose today shapes what remains tomorrow.

Quick answers to common roadblocks

“I’m afraid I’ll fail.”
Totally fair.
Aim for learning, not perfect.
If you learn, it wasn’t failure. It was a growth lesson.

“I don’t have time.”
You don’t need hours.
You need ten minutes. Start with five minutes.
Stack small moves into your current day: a call on your commute, a walk after lunch, a 30-minute class at night.

“I’m too old for this.”
You’re alive.
You’re not too late.
In fact, life experience is your advantage.

“I don’t know where to start.”
Pick the smallest true thing.
Do it today.
Clarity comes after action.

The 7-Day No-Regrets Challenge

Want momentum? Try this one-week plan.

Day 1: Accept Reality
Make the Control / Not Control list.
Pick one small action.

Day 2: Release Regrets
Write two regrets. Choose Accept or Amend.
If Amend, take one repair step.

Day 3: Realign Values
Choose one value to practice this week.
Put it on the calendar.

Day 4: Decide with iCOPE
Use iCOPE on one decision.
Act on the plan.

Day 5: Small Brave Step
One thought shift. One honest word. One tiny risk.

Day 6: Connection
Call a friend. Set a date. Speak a feeling.

Day 7: Celebrate Your Win
Write three wins from the week.
Decide the one move you’ll keep doing.

Repeat for four weeks.
You’ll feel lighter.
More yourself.
Less regret.

Why This Matters Now

Regret is expensive.
It costs time you can’t get back, energy you need, and chances only today can give you.

When you choose acceptance over arguing with reality, you get your power back.
When you rewrite old stories, you make room for joy.
When you decide, even imperfectly, you move.
When you take micro-brave steps, you change your days.
When you live by a simple roadmap—bucket list, relationships, legacy—you trade “someday” for now.

You don’t need a new life to live without regrets.
You need new choices, one at a time.

Ready For Your Next Step?

If this struck a chord, you’re not alone.
This is the work I do every day with clients who want to move forward after hard seasons and build a life they love.

• Want help applying these five steps to your situation? Schedule a call and we’ll map your first three moves together.

• Craving a quick win? Grab my free guide, Reframe the Spiral, to stop the mental negativity loops and take action.

• Prefer to start solo? Explore my book Flourishing After Adversity and the iCope2Hope resilience tools anytime.

Your future self is cheering for you.
"Toda you" gets to make her proud.

You only get this one life. Let regret watch you walk away. You can do this!