How to Stop Being Afraid of Change

Change is like standing on the edge of a high diving board for the first time.

You look down. Your heart pounds. Every part of you screams, “Stay where it’s safe.”

But what if the real risk isn't the jump?

What if the greater danger is staying stuck on the edge?

The Day My Life Changed Forever

There was a time when my entire life flipped upside down. Not once, but five times in five years.

Breast cancer. The loss of my teenage son. Saying goodbye to my parent. A heart transplant. Divorce after 27 years. 

Each time, change barged in like an unwelcome guest.

And yet, looking back—I can see that every painful ending carved out space for something new.

A deeper purpose.
A truer version of myself.
A life I never imagined, but one I love.

That’s the gift of change.
It strips away what no longer serves us so we can become who we were always meant to be.

Why Most People Stay Stuck

Let’s be honest. Change feels like loss.

And most people try to cope with it by:

• Clinging to what used to be

• Pretending things haven’t changed

• Overthinking every decision

• Waiting for certainty before taking action

But this is what I learned the hard way:
Waiting for certainty is a trap.

Certainty rarely comes before the leap.

Shift Your Perspective: Change = Freedom, Not Failure

Change is not the end of your story. It’s an invitation.

• To grow in ways you couldn’t before

• To break free from what was holding you back

• To stop surviving and start flourishing

What if you looked at change not as punishment… but as freedom to experiment? To test hypotheses.

Freedom to dream again.
To do it differently.
To finally live on your terms.

It’s one thing to shift your mindset around change—it’s another to live it out when everything feels unfamiliar. That’s where action comes in.

When your world has shifted, the first step forward isn’t a big leap. It’s a quiet moment of honesty. Of looking around and saying, “This is where I am. Now what?”

Before you can move toward something new, you have to stop resisting what’s already changed. And that begins with radical acceptance.

Step 1: Radically Accept Where You Are

The first step in my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework is radical acceptance.

That doesn’t mean you have to like what happened.

It means you stop fighting reality so you can start working with it.

Ask yourself:

• What has changed in my life?

• What am I still resisting?

• What do I need to let go of in order to move forward?

The moment you stop resisting change, you take back your power to move forward.

Step 2: Look for Strength in the Ashes

You’ve been through hard times before. Don’t forget that.

Take inventory:

• What strengths or core values helped you get through your last challenge?

• Who supported you?

• What small actions made a big difference?

Your past struggles weren’t wasted. They trained you for this moment.

You’re not starting over, you’re starting wiser.

Step 3: Reframe the Unknown as a Blank Canvas

Instead of seeing uncertainty as something to fear, try this:

Picture it as a blank canvas.

You hold the brush.

You get to choose:

• What comes next

• How you’ll show up

• What your next chapter looks like

No, you may not have all the answers. But you do have the power to take the next small step.

Remember, change is freedom to experiment. And that’s how change transforms into opportunity.

Step 4: Focus on What’s in Your Control

This is where the iCOPE 5-Step Problem-Solving Method comes in.

Here’s a simplified version:

1. Identify the main challenge.

2. Choose what’s in your control.

3. Outline best-case, worst-case, and most-likely outcomes.

4. Proceed with an action plan for the most-likely outcome (even if imperfect).

5. Evaluate and adjust along the way. Be flexible. It's an experiment.

When life feels unpredictable, this method grounds you in what’s possible.

And when you take even one step forward, fear begins to shrink.

Step 5: Define What Freedom Means to You

Change offers freedom—if you’re willing to define it for yourself.

• Is it freedom from fear?

• Freedom to choose a new direction?

• Freedom to reinvent your identity?

Let go of what others expect of you.

You don’t need their approval to evolve.

This is your life to live. Your choices to make.

What’s at Stake if You Don’t Embrace Change?

If you avoid change, here’s what you risk:

• Staying in relationships that drain you

• Living a life that no longer fits

• Missing out on joy that only exists on the other side of fear

You deserve more than survival.

You deserve to flourish.

Put It in Action: Journal Prompts for Embracing Change

• What’s one change I’ve been afraid to face?

• What belief is keeping me stuck?

• What’s the smallest step I can take today to embrace that change?

• How would my life be different if I saw change as freedom?

Final Words of Encouragement

You don’t have to love change.
You just have to stop fearing it.

Because once you do?

You’ll realize that change isn’t here to break you.
It’s here to build you.

And every step you take, even the shaky ones, is a step toward a life that fits who you are meant to be.

You were made for more than staying stuck.

You were made to flourish!