How to Find Purpose and Live a Fulfilling Life

You can feel it when it’s missing.

That quiet ache of drifting through your days—checking boxes, meeting responsibilities, doing what’s expected—but not feeling alive inside.

Purpose is the difference between waking up and simply getting up. It gives your choices weight, your relationships warmth, and your days direction.

As David Brooks writes in his book  The Second Mountain,

“We don’t find happiness by pursuing self-interest. We find it by losing ourselves in something larger than ourselves.”

 

The Two Mountains of Life

Brooks describes life as two mountains.

The first mountain is all about achievement: career, independence, status, comfort. Many of us spend decades climbing it, chasing success, only to find that the view from the top isn’t what we imagined.

Then life interrupts.

A loss, an illness, a divorce. Something that shakes the foundation we’ve built. Suddenly, we’re in the valley, questioning everything.

That valley can feel like failure. But it’s actually where transformation begins.

The second mountain is about meaning, not success. It’s about community, connection, and purpose. We climb it not to prove ourselves, but to give ourselves.

This is where moral joy lives, the deep satisfaction that comes when we use our pain as fuel for something meaningful.

When Purpose Feels Lost

After adversity, purpose can feel foreign. You might catch glimpses of it but can’t translate what it’s saying. That’s normal.

Most people try to think their way into a new purpose, taking personality tests, setting goals, or reading another self-help book. But purpose rarely starts with thinking. It starts with paying attention.

To what stirs your heart.
To what breaks it.
To what brings quiet joy.

When my own world fell apart, I thought my purpose had ended. What actually ended was the version of me who believed purpose came from roles and titles.

What emerged later—through faith, reflection, and small acts of service—was a deeper, steadier kind of purpose: helping others rebuild after life breaks their script.

If you’re in that same in-between space, this is your invitation to start the climb again, your second mountain, by implementing my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework.

Step 1: Develop a Growth Mindset to Conquer Change

Pause the Climb: Reflect Before You Rebuild

Before you rush into what’s next, stop.

Ask yourself:

• What still feels meaningful, even after everything changed?

• What drains me now that once energized me?

• What do I miss that has nothing to do with success?

Reflection clears the noise so you can hear the whispers of what really matters.

This is the beginning of a growth mindset, seeing challenges not as dead ends, but as data. The valley isn’t punishment. It’s preparation.

Each setback holds clues about what needs to change and what’s worth keeping.

You can’t start your second climb until you understand why the first one no longer fits.

Step 2: Discover Your Superpowers to Overcome Challenges

Reconnect with What Makes You Feel Alive

Brooks says people who find purpose often describe moments when they felt called, an inner tug that felt both personal and beyond them.

That calling doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can sound like:

• “I feel peaceful when I’m helping others.”

• “I lose track of time when I’m creating.”

• “I feel useful when I’m mentoring or volunteering.”

Notice those moments. They point to your superpowers, your natural strengths, gifts, and passions that make you feel alive.

After loss, your confidence may shrink. But your strengths haven’t disappeared. They’ve just been buried under survival mode.

Dust them off. Use them in small ways.
Volunteer. Create. Write. Mentor. Cook for a friend.

Those small acts reconnect you to the energy that was always yours.

And that’s how momentum builds, one aligned action at a time.

Step 3: Think Outside-the-Box to Uncover Opportunities

Serve Something Larger Than Yourself

Meaning doesn’t live in isolation. It grows in service.

Serving others isn’t about self-sacrifice, it’s about connection. It might mean:

• Mentoring someone going through a hardship you’ve survived.

• Using your creative gifts to brighten someone’s day.

• Sharing your story so others know they’re not alone.

When you give, you heal. Service transforms pain into purpose.

And when you align your service with your values, your life begins to make sense again.

Align Your Values with Your Daily Choices

In Flourishing After Adversity, I wrote that fulfillment isn’t about constant happiness; it’s about living true to your values.

Brooks echoes that truth. When your actions match your beliefs, you stop striving and start belonging.

Write down your top three values.
Then look at your week.
Do your calendar and your values match?

If not, that’s where to begin.

Each choice you make that reflects your values,—whether it’s rest, generosity, or honesty—builds a sense of integrity and peace.

Purpose grows in that alignment.

Allow Purpose to Evolve

Purpose isn’t a single discovery. It’s a relationship that deepens over time.

The second mountain doesn’t end at the summit, it keeps expanding with every act of courage, love, and forgiveness.

Maybe your purpose today is to heal.
Tomorrow, it might be to help.
Later, to lead.

You’re not behind. You’re in the valley, and the valley is where the next climb begins.

A Life That Feels Whole

A fulfilling life isn’t about avoiding pain. It’s about finding meaning within it.

It’s about letting your story, no matter how broken, become a bridge for someone else’s healing.

As The Second Mountain reminds us,

“Joy is not the absence of suffering, but the presence of love.”

And that love, lived out daily, is your purpose.

Your Next Step Toward Purpose

If this message resonated, maybe it’s because you’re standing at the base of your own second mountain, ready, but unsure where to start.

You don’t have to climb alone.

Through my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework, I help women rebuild confidence, find meaning, and rediscover joy after life-changing adversity.

When you’re ready, schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call. Let’s talk about how to turn your valley into the beginning of something new.

Because the mountain ahead isn’t punishment, it’s your path back to purpose.

Adversity makes you bitter or better. Choose better. You can do this! 🦋