When Life Clears the Slate, What Comes Next?

What Would You Do If Everything You Owned Was Suddenly Gone?

Not just the stuff you see every day—but your mementos. The baby books. Wedding photos. Family heirlooms.

One summer, that’s exactly what happened to some close friends of mine.
A flood came and swept away their entire home.

Gone.

Their little house on the lake, passed down for generations, was now a broken pile of soggy boards and twisted memories.

They lost everything.

But over time, they gained something they didn’t know they needed: clarity. 

In a World Full of Options, Why Are We So Unhappy?

We live in a world of advanced technology.

We can order groceries with a tap, schedule meetings from our phones, and stay connected 24/7. But if you peel back the screen, you’ll find a simple truth:
We’re more anxious, burned out, and disconnected than ever.

Why?

Because we’ve made our lives too complicated.
And when loss hits—whether it’s a house, a relationship, a job, or your health—it strips everything down to the bones.

It forces you to ask:

What really matters? 

The Worst Thing Can Be the Wake-Up Call You Never Asked For

Loss can feel like someone just shook your Etch A Sketch.

The picture you were carefully drawing—your plans, routines, identity—disappears in seconds.
All that work. All that intention. Gone in a blur of gray lines.

But here’s an interesting fact about an Etch A Sketch:
After it’s shaken, you don’t get the same picture back.

You get a blank screen.

And with it… the power to begin again.
This time, with more clarity. More courage. More intention than before.

You may not have chosen the shake-up.
But you can choose what you draw next.

Step 1: Identify What Matters Most to You

When my friends stood on the muddy ground where their house used to be, they didn’t say,
“Let’s rebuild exactly what we had.”

They said:
“What do we want life to look like now?”

That’s the first step to rebuilding your life after any kind of loss:

Clarify your core values.

Think of core values as your internal compass. When life spins you around, these are the things that help you find your footing again.

Here are some examples:

• Health – Prioritizing rest, recovery, and well-being

• Family – Staying connected to those who matter most

• Faith – Leaning on spiritual grounding

• Growth – Learning, evolving, and moving forward

• Authenticity – Living in alignment with who you really are

• Simplicity – Letting go of excess to make room for peace

👉 Put it in action:
Take five minutes. Write down your top three to five core values. These are the non-negotiables you want your life to reflect going forward.

Step 2: Set Boundaries That Support Your Values

Once you know what matters, the next step is to protect it.

If health is a value, you may need to say no to late-night emails or draining obligations.
If simplicity is a value, you might let go of relationships, routines, or “stuff” that no longer serves you.

Boundaries aren’t selfish.
They’re essential.

They’re how you stay rooted in what matters—especially when everything around you feels unstable.

Ask yourself:

• What will I say yes to from now on?

• What will I say no to in order to protect my peace?

👉 Put it in action:
Draw a line down a sheet of paper. On the left, write “Yes.” On the right, write “No.”
Now fill in each side with real-life actions that align with your values.

Examples:

• Yes: Early walks, asking for help, weekly family dinners

• No: Overcommitting, guilt-based obligations, toxic conversations

Step 3: Focus on What’s in Your Control

One of the most painful parts of loss is feeling powerless.

You didn’t choose to lose your job.
Or the diagnosis.
Or the betrayal.

But you can choose what you do next.

Here’s where your power lives:

• Your next decision

• Your mindset

• Your support network

• Your attitude

Grief will visit. So will regret. But they don’t get to drive.
You do.

And that means choosing—every day—to focus on what’s still yours to shape.

👉 Put it in action:
List five things you can control right now. (Even if they’re small.)
Start there. That’s your path forward.

Step 4: Replace What You Can—Release What You Can’t

When my friends lost their home, they tried to replace what they could.

Clothes. Furniture. Basic comforts.

But the memories? The baby books? The grandmother’s quilt?
Those couldn’t be bought back.

So they did something powerful:
They let those things live in their hearts, not their hands.

Some things can be replaced. Others must be released.

You don’t need to get “everything back” to move forward.
You just need to carry forward what still serves you.

Let go of the rest.

It’s not forgetting.
It’s choosing peace over perfection.

Step 5: Lean on the People Who Make You Feel Safe

There’s no such thing as a solo rebuild.

When your world breaks, you need people who will:

• Sit with you in silence

• Text you just to say “I’m thinking of you”

• Show up with coffee and a hug

• Help you sort, lift, pack, and plan

These are your resilience people. The ones who hold your hope when you can’t.

👉 Put it in action:
Make a “support circle” list.
Who are the people you can call at 2 a.m.?
Who encourages you, challenges you, or helps you think clearly?

Then do something bold: Ask for help.

Step 6: Shift from the Problem to the Possibility

When adversity strikes, the first question is usually:

“Why did this happen to me?”

But here’s a better question:

“What can I create from this?”

That’s not toxic positivity—it’s resilient thinking.
It’s the foundation of the iCOPE Problem-Solving Method you’ll find in my book.

Instead of getting stuck in the problem, we reframe it into:

• Insight: What am I learning from this?

• Choices: What options do I have?

• Outcomes: What result would bring peace or purpose?

• Possibilities: What could I try—even if it’s unexpected?

• Energy: Where will I focus my effort?

You don’t need all the answers today.
Just start exploring the question:
What good can still come from this?

Step 7: Rank Your Solutions—Then Take the First Step

Let’s make this practical.

Whatever you’re facing right now—job loss, illness, divorce, a major life change—there are paths forward. You just may not see them yet.

So write them out.

• What are three possible solutions?

• Label them: Best Outcome, Worst Outcome, Most Likely Outcome

• Then ask: Which one can I move toward today?

And remember: Thinking outside the box isn’t risky. It’s where freedom lives.

👉 Put it in action:
Choose one small step you can take toward the solution that feels most hopeful to you.

And if you feel stuck?
Ask someone in your support circle to help brainstorm with you.

Step 8: Say It Loud—“I Can”

You’ve heard me say this before, and I’ll say it again.

“I CAN” is the beginning of every breakthrough.

• I can start again.

• I can rebuild from this.

• I can take care of myself while I do.

• I can ask for help, set new boundaries, and move forward one step at a time.

The iCOPE2Hope framework was born out of devastation.
But it’s helped me—and many others—create flourishing after adversity.

You don’t need perfect circumstances.
You just need a mindset that says:

“I may not know what’s next. But I can take one step forward.”

 

You’re Not Starting Over Empty—You’re Starting Over Wiser

You are not what you’ve lost.

You are what you still hold inside you:
Strength. Grit. Hope. Courage. Purpose.

That flood may have washed away my friends’ house…
But it also cleared a path for something better.

Today, they live in a newer home.
Different location. Fewer things.
But they’ll tell you—they’ve never been happier.

Why?
Because they live with clarity now.
They know what matters.

So will you.

Your Story Isn’t Over

If you’re reading this and your life feels like rubble, I want you to know something:

You are not too old.
You are not too far gone.
You are not out of options.

You are in the middle of the story—not the end.

Let this be the chapter where you discover what really matters.
Let this be the season where you rebuild—not just with bricks, but with intention.

You don’t have to do it alone.

I’d love to help you walk that path.

Ready to start over with clarity and confidence?

Let’s talk.
Schedule a free call with me here.

You don’t have to stay stuck.
You can move forward—with purpose, with peace, and with the people who truly care.