The Best Mindset for Healing: Microwave or Slow Cooker?

Ever Try Cooking a Tough Cut of Meat in a Microwave?

It might look done on the outside—but take one bite and you’ll find it’s still tough, dry and flavorless.

That’s what it’s like when you try to rush your way through healing after a major life setback.

You want to zap the pain. Fast-forward the grief. Get back to “normal” like you never missed a beat.

But real change? Deep healing? That’s not microwave work.

That’s slow cooker work.

A slow cooker doesn’t just heat the surface. It softens everything from the inside out—low and slow—until even the toughest parts become tender again.

So here’s the question:
When life knocks you flat, do you bring a microwave mindset… or a slow cooker one?

Let’s talk about why the pace of your healing might matter just as much as the process.

When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan

• Maybe your career ended before you were ready.
• Maybe your marriage did.
• Maybe you lost someone, something—or even yourself.

And now you’re standing in a messy emotional kitchen with ingredients you never asked for.

No recipe. No directions. Just a question on repeat:
“How do I get through this?”

In a culture that celebrates speed, we’re tempted to toss it all in a microwave:

• Hit a few buttons.

• Put on a brave face.

• Hope it’ll be better in 30 seconds or less.

But when it comes to grief, identity loss, or starting over? Microwaves won’t cut it.

You need something that can handle the tough stuff.

That’s where the slow cooker mindset comes in.

Why the Microwave Mindset Falls Short

Think about what a microwave does. It’s quick, loud, and superficial.

It zaps from the outside in. And often, things look done before they’re actually ready.

That’s how it feels when you rush your healing:

• You smile through pain to make others comfortable.

• You throw yourself into busy work just to stay distracted.

• You expect one “aha moment” to fix everything.

But tough meat doesn't become tender in 90 seconds.

Neither do broken hearts.

What you need isn’t more speed. It’s more heat. Over time. With care.

Because microwave healing can leave you:

• Emotionally raw

• Spiritually hungry

• Still carrying the weight you tried to ignore

The Slow Cooker Approach to Healing

A slow cooker doesn’t demand perfection. It just asks you to show up, stir when needed, and wait.

In your life, that looks like:

• Letting yourself grieve—without rushing to make sense of it

• Sitting with pain until it reveals what matters most

• Allowing your emotions to simmer until the truth rises to the top

It’s not passive. It’s purposeful.

And it creates something rich, layered, and deeply nourishing—something microwave speed can’t replicate.

My Story: When the Recipe Fell Apart

I didn’t plan to slow cook my way through adversity.

But when everything in my life boiled over—breast cancer, the loss of my teenage son, my father’s death, a heart transplant, and a sudden divorce—I had no choice.

The microwave was broken.

So I sat in the slow cooker season:

• Some days were warm and hopeful.

• Some days burned with pain.

• Most days felt like nothing was happening at all.

But quietly, something was cooking.

I was learning to live differently. To heal layer by layer. To believe again.

Not all at once. But little by little.

And now? That healing feeds everything I do—from my coaching, to my book, to how I love others.

The Secret Sauce of a Slow Cooker Mindset

When you commit to a slow-cooked life after adversity, you start to see:

• Depth over speed. You're not racing to a finish line. You're building strength that lasts.

• Flavor from the fire. The longer you sit with your story, the richer your perspective becomes.

• Transformation from tenderness. The pain that once felt unbearable becomes the very thing that softens you toward others—and yourself.

There’s beauty in that.

But you won’t find it on a rushed timeline.

What Does This Mindset Look Like?

Here’s how you know you’re shifting from a microwave to a slow cooker mindset:

You no longer:

• Expect overnight results.

• Hide your mess to meet someone else’s expectations.

• Measure healing by how fast you can “get back to normal.”

Instead, you:

• Embrace emotional truth over surface-level fixes.

• Choose reflection over reaction.

• Give yourself encouragement to move forward—not fast, but faithfully.

When Everyone Else Seems “Done Already”

This is important: Your healing won’t always match someone else’s timeline.

Maybe your friend bounced back from divorce in a year. Maybe your sibling moved on from grief in six months.

That’s their kitchen. That’s their recipe.

Yours may take longer—and that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you're cooking something worth waiting for.

5 Questions to Stir the Pot

When you feel rushed to move on, ask yourself:

1. Am I healing—or just hurrying?

2. What’s bubbling beneath the surface that I haven’t faced yet?

3. What’s the cost of pretending I’m fine before I am?

4. What part of my story needs more time in the slow cooker?

5. What can I do today to care for my heart—without rushing the process?

Let those questions guide you.

You don’t need a quick fix.

You need a little heat. A little grace. And a little time.

The Recipe for Real Resilience

In my coaching, I teach a framework called the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework. It’s built around this 3-step process:

• Step 1: Accept what’s happened without agreeing with it or approving it.

• Step 2: Reframe your pain so it becomes part of your strength.

• Step 3: Take consistent action toward joy, meaning, and peace.

That’s not microwave work. That’s proven slow cooker transformation.

And it’s the kind that lasts.

You’re Not Wasting Time. You’re Making Something New.

The world may not understand your pace. That’s okay.

What you're cooking can’t be rushed.

• It’s tenderizing your pain into compassion.

• It’s marinating your regrets into wisdom.

• It’s simmering your story into something that can feed others, too.

So don’t pull yourself out of the process too soon. And don't stay stuck in your pain. Adjust the timer.

Put It In Action

Write down one thing that still feels “undercooked” in your life.

Then ask:

• What’s one gentle way I can tend to this today?

• Who can I share this with for support?

• What might this still-unfinished part of me be preparing me for?

Give it time.

Stir when needed.

Trust the heat.

Final Word: You’re Not Done Yet

If you’re reading this while something’s still breaking your heart—keep going.

It’s not done. And neither are you.

Your story may feel like a mess in the pot right now.

But one day, it will become the most soul-nourishing thing you’ve ever tasted.

And you’ll share it with others who are still in their own kitchens, wondering if anything good can come from their various ingredients.

Let them see what’s possible.

Let them taste what resilience can become.

That’s the power of a slow cooker mindset.