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Resilience 101: 7 Ways To Lose The Victim Mindset And Become A Victor

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Victim vs. Victor


Someone who has a victim mindset feels as if they have no control over their circumstances. Life has it out for them so they can never catch a break. Someone or something is to blame for their misfortune. Over time they become helpless and hopeless.

Someone with a victor mindset understands life isn't fair so they have to be able to think outside the box to overcome obstacles. In fact, a victor sees obstacles as stepping stones to opportunity. They feel hopeful because they have the power to change what is in their control.


Meet Sue


Sue feels stuck in life. She's been at her job over 10 years, has more experience than her co-workers but seems to get passed over for promotions. Every time Sue gets passed over, she goes into her boss' office to complain that she deserved the promotion more than that person.

Sue also thinks her experience is the reason why her co-workers don't invite her to go with them on lunch outings or ask her to sit at their table in the break room. They're jealous of her she says.

Her department's software program was recently updated but the IT department is trying to resolve some bugs within the system and it is taking longer than expected. Since Sue has to prepare manual reports in the interim she complains daily to her boss about the extra work she has to do.

Because Sue becomes increasingly frustrated with the faulty software, she snaps at her boss when he asks questions about her report being late. "I don't know. Go ask the IT department since they won't let me generate my report in the system! " 

Over the years Sue tried looking for another job but gave up because the companies she interviewed with wanted her to work 8 am to 5 pm. She explained to them that she's not a morning person and needs to work 10 am to 6 pm to avoid rush hour traffic. She never got a second interview.

Sue wonders why employers have to be so strict about their work hours? They don't understand how bad the traffic is on her side of town which is why she told her current boss she will only work 10 am to 6 pm. And she does.

When everyone leaves the office at 5 pm, Sue watches Netflix on her computer from 5-6 pm to relax from her stressful day. She reassures herself that no one works as hard as she does so she deserves to relax before her drive home.

Is Sue a victim or a victor?


Meet Sue's Co-Worker Ann


Ann works in the same department as Sue and has been there five years. She started at the company as a receptionist and earned the reputation as a dependable and reliable worker. Ann enjoyed working in different departments and learning how the company operates which is why her customers sing her praises to her supervisors.

Ann is also frustrated with the new software program since she also has to prepare manual reports in the interim. Since she's familiar with the information that goes into her monthly reports, Ann arranged a meeting with the IT department to find other ways to get the information she needs to complete her manual reports in time to meet with her boss. Her boss is impressed that Ann has answers ready for the questions he asks which makes for a quick and productive meeting.

Is Ann a victim or a victor?




7 Ways To Lose The Victim Mindset And Become A Victor


In case you were wondering, Sue has a victim mindset. Sue feels helpless and blames others for her misfortune.

Ann feels hopeful and finds a win-win solution despite the flaws with the department software. Ann has a victor mindset.

It's all about choices.

Sue chose to make excuses and blame the faulty software as the reason for keeping her from doing her job. She felt she had no power over her situation.

On the other hand, Ann chose to be proactive and work with the IT department to get the answers she needed to complete her manual reports in time to meet with her boss. She identified what she had control over to do her job.

Here are seven ways that Sue could use to lose her victim mentality and become a victor and be more proactive with her job.


1.  Be grateful instead of resentful. Hunt the good stuff no matter how small. You can find at least one good thing in every situation. In Sue's case, she could be thankful that the IT department is working to resolve the bugs and that her manual reports are temporary. 


2. Focus on being proactive instead of making excuses. Complaining without proposing a solution is useless. In Sue's case, she could ask her boss what she needs to focus on learning to get a promotion. She could also look into skill requirements for positions she's interested in applying.


3. Look for a win-win solution for all involved. Since Sue has the most seniority and knowledge, she could work with her co-workers, boss, and the IT department to prioritize the bugs that needed to be resolved first to speed up the process of generating correct reports. To get to know her co-workers better, Sue could bring breakfast or snacks to share in the break room once a month.


4. Celebrate other's success. Instead of going to her boss to complain about a co-worker's promotion, Sue should celebrate and congratulate her co-worker's achievements and show she can be a team player.  A shift in her attitude can benefit her well-being.


5. Accept the fact that life is unfair. Its the bad times that helps us appreciate the good times. Worry and anxiety rise up when we focus on things we have no control over. Focus on what you have control over to change. Sue has no control over the software bugs or when they will get fixed but she does have control over her attitude and to make the best of her situation. Remember #1 above, Sue can hunt the good stuff.


6. Adopt a positive attitude. Sue would get more lunch invitations if she developed a positive attitude towards her co-workers instead of seeing them as enemies. People like to be around pleasant people. No one wants to hang around a Negative Nelly. When Sue finds herself in a negative situation, she can find one good thing to focus on and be grateful for. Once this becomes a habit, more good things will be found.


7. Get outside your comfort zone. It's hard to get out of your comfort zone because, well, it's comfortable. Who wants to be uncomfortable? But then who wants to feel stuck. In Sue's case, if she's not happy at her current job then she can look for another job.  Why stay miserable when you have choices to change your circumstances? If Sue's choice to work 10 am to 6 pm is a deal breaker, then it might take longer for her to find a job but she'll find one. If she's willing to work 8 am to 5 pm then she'll have more opportunities to find a better job.


 So, do you have a victim or victor mentality? I hope you choose to be a victor because you will have a more joyful life. 


Daily Mantra: Hunt the good stuff, find the humor, keep positive and focus on your blessings. God can bring good out of every situation!

Have questions about how to get started moving forward after experiencing a setback? Schedule a 15-min call with me to discuss your situation.

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